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How To Support Multiracial Teens: A Guide For Parents

How To Support Multiracial Teens: A Guide For Parents

  • Post author:Courtney Harris Coaching
  • Post published:July 21, 2020
  • Post category:Guest Blogs / Talking with Teenagers
  • Post comments:0 Comments

Bri Craig, MS, LMFT-A, lives and works as a family therapist in Austin, TX. She currently sees clients at Austin Teen Therapy, a group practice geared towards supporting teens and…

Continue Reading How To Support Multiracial Teens: A Guide For Parents

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courtneyharriscoaching

Life Coach for Teens & Parents
♡ she/her
♡ M.Ed
♡ 1:1 coach for young people
♡ parenting support
♡ Companion for Birth & Beyond @companioncourtney

Courtney Harris Coaching
Stop. Breathe. Feel. Stop. Breathe. Feel.
In therapy last week, I had a moment of clarity. I In therapy last week, I had a moment of clarity. I realized that lately, I have been turning away from my spouse in some moments; when he has reached out to connect, I have sometimes been unavailable. As I named this, images came to mind: me scrolling my phone, staring at my computer, stuck on the couch, rushing to my next task, and so on.  While these moments of turning away were not necessarily conscious or intentional (because, sure, I genuinely had work to do, was tired, felt unwell, was tied up thinking about something, had a meeting, etc.), the impact is heavy. The impact is distance and coldness. I know I'm not alone in this. In my role as a coach, I witness people who are navigating missed connections each day-- as the person wanting to connect and/or the person who is pushing away. Relationships are hard work. This week, I'm going to focus on turning towards my spouse. (This language "turning towards" or "away" come from the Gottman Institute.) If you'd like to join me in turning towards a loved one, these are some questions we might consider: - How can I attend to their bid for attention, affirmation, affection? - How can I acknowledge where and how they are? - How can I offer them love and attention in this moment? While we can't meet every need each of our loved ones has, we CAN do our best to acknowledge our loved ones' attempts to connect. The act of turning towards shows our loved ones that we see and hear them; it shows them we value and cherish the relationship.
Last month (can’t believe it’s been that long Last month (can’t believe it’s been that long already), my spouse and I spent a week away from home. During that time, I arrived at several reflections. The change of scenery, the connections with loved ones, and the break from work were so good for my mind. I re-remembered that even when I am back home, working next to my favorite window in the house, I need to prioritize rest, play, and spaciousness. Each day, I need to offer myself a mini-vacation each day. In full disclosure, I’ve forgotten to commit to tending to this need. Anyone else?!

So, here are some mini-vacation ideas I have: * spend a day (or even a few hours) without my phone * make art (I love collaging) * fill up my kiddie pool and turn on some music * pick a new recipe to bake (I have my eye on these brownies) * pack a picnic and go to a new park * give myself a dance break in between clients * get dressed up in a fun outfit just because * make a new playlist * online shop for a new book from a Black-owned bookstore * take a drive How are you and your family making time to rest AND play? What is feeling spacious in your life right now? What other mini-vacation ideas do you have?
Celebrating all this new growth! Plants are medici Celebrating all this new growth! Plants are medicine and metaphors. Swipe to experience.
This week's guest blog by @tina_kruse_coaching is This week's guest blog by @tina_kruse_coaching is timely! "The global health crisis has asked for more resilience than usual. The sudden shift to remote learning during the months of lockdown beginning in March 2020 asked students to exhibit resilience. Some responded well, and some did not. Those who did not or could not–due to learning needs or life circumstances–“bend” with the winds of that change found themselves highly stressed, disengaged, overwhelmed, and in some cases, failing coursework." Keep reading on the blog for 6 action steps you can share with the young people in your life as they prepare to navigate the challenges of the coming year. Link in bio!
Would you believe me if I told you that the second Would you believe me if I told you that the second most read blog on my website is the one called How to Apologize to Your Teenager?

It's true.

It seems that many of us, myself very much included, didn't learn how to apologize and do it well. I learned a lot about forgiveness in my Catholic upbringing, and I understand it was the "right" thing to do to forgive other people. However, the whole part about acknowledging that I caused harm directly to the person I harmed is not something I gained much experience with.

*What about you? What's your personal history with apologies? *When you were a child or teen, did the adults in your life apologize to you?

I'm inviting you into this reflection with me because I made a rather careless and harmful mistake a few weeks back. It impacted a few of the most important people in my life. It hurts just typing this out. While I started the process of apologizing, I still have work to do with my loved ones. I am going to take my own advice, from the semi-viral blog, and practice self-compassion as we work towards a do-over. 
  Feeling super human,
<3 Courtney P.S. DM me for the link to the blog.
It's been over 4 months now that we have been livi It's been over 4 months now that we have been living with the conditions of the pandemic in the US. I am noticing myself repeating some of the cycles I was in at the beginning of this experience. I'm unable to take in very much new information, I'm watching a lot of TV when I'm not working, I'm feeling the cabin fever hard, I don't feel like taking morning walks, and I'm generally feeling an uncomfortable combination of stuck and stressed. I am also feeling some big grief. Last week my grandma celebrated her 90th birthday, and it broke my heart that we couldn't all be together. FaceTime just doesn't cut it. What are you noticing about your patterns and the ways you are currently experiencing the pandemic? And what about your family/household-- what's the collective energy like? Giving ourselves space to name and be with the full range of feelings this season is bringing up for us is CRUCIAL. Once we can name the qualities of our heart, mind, and body, we can work towards giving ourselves and/or asking for what we need. This week, I'm going to invite myself to revisit my tools and consider what the next best step is for me in any given moment of stuckness or stressedness. If you'd like to join me (or invite your family to join this process), DM me for the link to a resource guide that can be a starting place for exploration and curiosity.
Lately, I have engaged in a number of tough conve Lately, I have engaged in a number of tough conversations. Some have felt really connected, others have felt awkward, and others have been wildly unsuccessful. In one particular conversation, I completely flipped my lid and things had to come to a full stop. (Note that when one person flips their lid, it is very likely that the other people in the space will flip their lid, too. This is how our nervous systems operate.)

I share this struggle because the work we are doing in this space-- the work of being aware and awake humans-- is not linear. Growth and healing are not linear, step-by-step processes. We don't approach anti-racism work, read a book, and master it. We don't have one parenting session, get a new tool, and never fight with our families again. We don't set a goal and immediately achieve it without challenge.

The journey is going to be messy. We will heal and grow, AND we will make mistakes. There are going to be a lot of layers to peel back. And all of this is going to take time and stamina.

Here are a few questions I have been sitting with. Please join me if you feel called: * Who in your support system helps you stay accountable to yourself and/or the work? * How are you caring for yourself as you do inner and outer work? * How can you make this journey both urgent and sustainable?
#Accountability is a powerful thing, and lately, I #Accountability is a powerful thing, and lately, I have been feeling a lot of gratitude for my support systems. We can all do hard things. AND we can do them with witnesses and/or in community. Furthermore, we don't need to (and often can't) do this thing called life alone. I need a space/container for processing my life and mental health, so I go to therapy weekly. I sometimes struggle to get admin work done for my biz, so I attend a weekly Zoom co-working session with friends. I believe in working through difficult self-discoveries with others, so I'm participating in the reading of Me and White Supremacy by Layla F. Saad with a group of fellow birth workers. I love learning about new, inspiring books, so my brother and I share new queer YA titles with one another. These are some examples of accountability structures, ranging from light and simple to serious and transformative. As a coach, I am so honored to help clients create systems of accountability in their lives. Not only do I get to be a witness to their growth and intentions and act as an accountability buddy when they want one, I also get to support them in plugging into other systems or supports that help them stay on track with their hopes and goals. Who or what is currently helping you stay accountable? Are there areas of your life where you feel like you need more support and accountability? If so, what could that look like?
Several teen and young adult clients have shared w Several teen and young adult clients have shared with me that this summer has not felt like summer to them. Can you relate?! This summer has not offered the rest or space or extra income that previous summers have. The intersection of pandemic and the racial justice uprisings is a pretty intense space, and you are holding a lot. Now, in a few short weeks, you will be headed back to school. Some of you are still unsure what the “fall” will look like; you might be feeling unsettled by the uncertainty regarding the school year. Will school be online? Will you feel safe attending in-person school and if so, when and under what circumstances? I see you, I hear you, and everything you are feeling is valid and real. Tending to your self-care and your genuine need for fun is important. Rest and pleasure are important parts of the revolution, too. As you continue to process the complexities of this time, I invite you to spend time thinking about what you want and need for the remaining days of summer. What kind of fun do you want to make space for? Today’s blog is a list of ideas and activities that you might like to consider. Link in bio.
Recently in my morning pages (a specific term for Recently in my morning pages (a specific term for morning brain dump/journaling from The Artist’s Way), I arrived at this phrase: "I want to stay in relation to myself." As I do the work of unlearning racism (and all the other -isms, including but not limited to sexism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism), I notice that I can be hard on myself. I've felt shame, anger, embarrassment, grief, sadness, and so on. As a white person, it's important that I process these emotions in ways that will not cause harm to Black, Indigenous, and people of color. Thus, I use journaling, reading, and talking with other white folks who are doing anti-racism work. As I continue to do the work, as I invite myself feel these important and necessary and uncomfortable feelings, I am holding on to this important truth: in order to truly contribute to healing and liberation for Black folks, I have to stay in relationship with myself. I cannot hate myself and keep showing up. It just doesn't work without self-compassion. This week I will tend to my relationship with myself by committing to morning writing, moving my body in joyful ways, and practicing belly breathing. How will you stay in relationship to yourself AND the work this week and beyond?
"As a parent, your job is to keep your children sa "As a parent, your job is to keep your children safe and healthy until they are able to do it themselves. It is also your responsibility to provide them with a future where they can discover who they are, and be safe in their wonderful, magical uniqueness. If you are lucky enough to have a vote in 2020 in the United States, your job is to exercise agency. Your responsibility is to use your vote to speak for your children and all the other people who were not given a voice in the arena -or had theirs taken away." Find my friend Tania Gerard’s powerful guest blog all about voting on the blog. Link in bio, as always.
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courtneyharriscoaching

Life Coach for Teens & Parents
♡ she/her
♡ M.Ed
♡ 1:1 coach for young people
♡ parenting support
♡ Companion for Birth & Beyond @companioncourtney

Courtney Harris Coaching
Stop. Breathe. Feel. Stop. Breathe. Feel.
In therapy last week, I had a moment of clarity. I In therapy last week, I had a moment of clarity. I realized that lately, I have been turning away from my spouse in some moments; when he has reached out to connect, I have sometimes been unavailable. As I named this, images came to mind: me scrolling my phone, staring at my computer, stuck on the couch, rushing to my next task, and so on.  While these moments of turning away were not necessarily conscious or intentional (because, sure, I genuinely had work to do, was tired, felt unwell, was tied up thinking about something, had a meeting, etc.), the impact is heavy. The impact is distance and coldness. I know I'm not alone in this. In my role as a coach, I witness people who are navigating missed connections each day-- as the person wanting to connect and/or the person who is pushing away. Relationships are hard work. This week, I'm going to focus on turning towards my spouse. (This language "turning towards" or "away" come from the Gottman Institute.) If you'd like to join me in turning towards a loved one, these are some questions we might consider: - How can I attend to their bid for attention, affirmation, affection? - How can I acknowledge where and how they are? - How can I offer them love and attention in this moment? While we can't meet every need each of our loved ones has, we CAN do our best to acknowledge our loved ones' attempts to connect. The act of turning towards shows our loved ones that we see and hear them; it shows them we value and cherish the relationship.
Last month (can’t believe it’s been that long Last month (can’t believe it’s been that long already), my spouse and I spent a week away from home. During that time, I arrived at several reflections. The change of scenery, the connections with loved ones, and the break from work were so good for my mind. I re-remembered that even when I am back home, working next to my favorite window in the house, I need to prioritize rest, play, and spaciousness. Each day, I need to offer myself a mini-vacation each day. In full disclosure, I’ve forgotten to commit to tending to this need. Anyone else?!

So, here are some mini-vacation ideas I have: * spend a day (or even a few hours) without my phone * make art (I love collaging) * fill up my kiddie pool and turn on some music * pick a new recipe to bake (I have my eye on these brownies) * pack a picnic and go to a new park * give myself a dance break in between clients * get dressed up in a fun outfit just because * make a new playlist * online shop for a new book from a Black-owned bookstore * take a drive How are you and your family making time to rest AND play? What is feeling spacious in your life right now? What other mini-vacation ideas do you have?
Celebrating all this new growth! Plants are medici Celebrating all this new growth! Plants are medicine and metaphors. Swipe to experience.
This week's guest blog by @tina_kruse_coaching is This week's guest blog by @tina_kruse_coaching is timely! "The global health crisis has asked for more resilience than usual. The sudden shift to remote learning during the months of lockdown beginning in March 2020 asked students to exhibit resilience. Some responded well, and some did not. Those who did not or could not–due to learning needs or life circumstances–“bend” with the winds of that change found themselves highly stressed, disengaged, overwhelmed, and in some cases, failing coursework." Keep reading on the blog for 6 action steps you can share with the young people in your life as they prepare to navigate the challenges of the coming year. Link in bio!
Would you believe me if I told you that the second Would you believe me if I told you that the second most read blog on my website is the one called How to Apologize to Your Teenager?

It's true.

It seems that many of us, myself very much included, didn't learn how to apologize and do it well. I learned a lot about forgiveness in my Catholic upbringing, and I understand it was the "right" thing to do to forgive other people. However, the whole part about acknowledging that I caused harm directly to the person I harmed is not something I gained much experience with.

*What about you? What's your personal history with apologies? *When you were a child or teen, did the adults in your life apologize to you?

I'm inviting you into this reflection with me because I made a rather careless and harmful mistake a few weeks back. It impacted a few of the most important people in my life. It hurts just typing this out. While I started the process of apologizing, I still have work to do with my loved ones. I am going to take my own advice, from the semi-viral blog, and practice self-compassion as we work towards a do-over. 
  Feeling super human,
<3 Courtney P.S. DM me for the link to the blog.
It's been over 4 months now that we have been livi It's been over 4 months now that we have been living with the conditions of the pandemic in the US. I am noticing myself repeating some of the cycles I was in at the beginning of this experience. I'm unable to take in very much new information, I'm watching a lot of TV when I'm not working, I'm feeling the cabin fever hard, I don't feel like taking morning walks, and I'm generally feeling an uncomfortable combination of stuck and stressed. I am also feeling some big grief. Last week my grandma celebrated her 90th birthday, and it broke my heart that we couldn't all be together. FaceTime just doesn't cut it. What are you noticing about your patterns and the ways you are currently experiencing the pandemic? And what about your family/household-- what's the collective energy like? Giving ourselves space to name and be with the full range of feelings this season is bringing up for us is CRUCIAL. Once we can name the qualities of our heart, mind, and body, we can work towards giving ourselves and/or asking for what we need. This week, I'm going to invite myself to revisit my tools and consider what the next best step is for me in any given moment of stuckness or stressedness. If you'd like to join me (or invite your family to join this process), DM me for the link to a resource guide that can be a starting place for exploration and curiosity.
Lately, I have engaged in a number of tough conve Lately, I have engaged in a number of tough conversations. Some have felt really connected, others have felt awkward, and others have been wildly unsuccessful. In one particular conversation, I completely flipped my lid and things had to come to a full stop. (Note that when one person flips their lid, it is very likely that the other people in the space will flip their lid, too. This is how our nervous systems operate.)

I share this struggle because the work we are doing in this space-- the work of being aware and awake humans-- is not linear. Growth and healing are not linear, step-by-step processes. We don't approach anti-racism work, read a book, and master it. We don't have one parenting session, get a new tool, and never fight with our families again. We don't set a goal and immediately achieve it without challenge.

The journey is going to be messy. We will heal and grow, AND we will make mistakes. There are going to be a lot of layers to peel back. And all of this is going to take time and stamina.

Here are a few questions I have been sitting with. Please join me if you feel called: * Who in your support system helps you stay accountable to yourself and/or the work? * How are you caring for yourself as you do inner and outer work? * How can you make this journey both urgent and sustainable?
#Accountability is a powerful thing, and lately, I #Accountability is a powerful thing, and lately, I have been feeling a lot of gratitude for my support systems. We can all do hard things. AND we can do them with witnesses and/or in community. Furthermore, we don't need to (and often can't) do this thing called life alone. I need a space/container for processing my life and mental health, so I go to therapy weekly. I sometimes struggle to get admin work done for my biz, so I attend a weekly Zoom co-working session with friends. I believe in working through difficult self-discoveries with others, so I'm participating in the reading of Me and White Supremacy by Layla F. Saad with a group of fellow birth workers. I love learning about new, inspiring books, so my brother and I share new queer YA titles with one another. These are some examples of accountability structures, ranging from light and simple to serious and transformative. As a coach, I am so honored to help clients create systems of accountability in their lives. Not only do I get to be a witness to their growth and intentions and act as an accountability buddy when they want one, I also get to support them in plugging into other systems or supports that help them stay on track with their hopes and goals. Who or what is currently helping you stay accountable? Are there areas of your life where you feel like you need more support and accountability? If so, what could that look like?
Several teen and young adult clients have shared w Several teen and young adult clients have shared with me that this summer has not felt like summer to them. Can you relate?! This summer has not offered the rest or space or extra income that previous summers have. The intersection of pandemic and the racial justice uprisings is a pretty intense space, and you are holding a lot. Now, in a few short weeks, you will be headed back to school. Some of you are still unsure what the “fall” will look like; you might be feeling unsettled by the uncertainty regarding the school year. Will school be online? Will you feel safe attending in-person school and if so, when and under what circumstances? I see you, I hear you, and everything you are feeling is valid and real. Tending to your self-care and your genuine need for fun is important. Rest and pleasure are important parts of the revolution, too. As you continue to process the complexities of this time, I invite you to spend time thinking about what you want and need for the remaining days of summer. What kind of fun do you want to make space for? Today’s blog is a list of ideas and activities that you might like to consider. Link in bio.
Recently in my morning pages (a specific term for Recently in my morning pages (a specific term for morning brain dump/journaling from The Artist’s Way), I arrived at this phrase: "I want to stay in relation to myself." As I do the work of unlearning racism (and all the other -isms, including but not limited to sexism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism), I notice that I can be hard on myself. I've felt shame, anger, embarrassment, grief, sadness, and so on. As a white person, it's important that I process these emotions in ways that will not cause harm to Black, Indigenous, and people of color. Thus, I use journaling, reading, and talking with other white folks who are doing anti-racism work. As I continue to do the work, as I invite myself feel these important and necessary and uncomfortable feelings, I am holding on to this important truth: in order to truly contribute to healing and liberation for Black folks, I have to stay in relationship with myself. I cannot hate myself and keep showing up. It just doesn't work without self-compassion. This week I will tend to my relationship with myself by committing to morning writing, moving my body in joyful ways, and practicing belly breathing. How will you stay in relationship to yourself AND the work this week and beyond?
"As a parent, your job is to keep your children sa "As a parent, your job is to keep your children safe and healthy until they are able to do it themselves. It is also your responsibility to provide them with a future where they can discover who they are, and be safe in their wonderful, magical uniqueness. If you are lucky enough to have a vote in 2020 in the United States, your job is to exercise agency. Your responsibility is to use your vote to speak for your children and all the other people who were not given a voice in the arena -or had theirs taken away." Find my friend Tania Gerard’s powerful guest blog all about voting on the blog. Link in bio, as always.
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