Relationship > Task. This is a phrase I have written on my white board near my desk. It’s one I’ve brought into my work with clients— young people and parents. It’s one I return to often in my own processing. Major thanks to my therapist for introducing this language and co-creating a container for me to explore and embody this concept.
Sometimes our brains take us into the realm of extremes, the place of all or nothing thinking. This way of thinking is often quite harsh and not compassionate. These are…
Values are beliefs that guide my actions. They are at the foundation of my intentional choices and behaviors. In other words, values can be things I hold pretty near and dear.
Humans have needs, and when someone else (your teen, parent, partner, friend, colleague) expresses their needs, it doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong. It just means they have needs.
As we engage in any kind of interpersonal relationships, it’s important that we center the goal of establishing individual and collective health and safety.
You want to be received without judgment. Furthermore, you don’t want to be brushed off, yelled at, written off, talked over, underestimated, laughed at, and so on.
Boundaries are most effective when we feel comfortable with the container (a.k.a. limits) we are creating for ourselves. Oftentimes, boundaries help us honor the answer to the question “What do I need?”.
I've learned that when I take the time to identify what I need and share it with my spouse, for example, our presence and connection are enhanced.
When (not if) your teen presents an undesirable behavior or seems "shut down", you have an opportunity to ASK about it, rather than telling them about (aka lecturing them).