Relationship > Task. This is a phrase I have written on my white board near my desk. It’s one I’ve brought into my work with clients— young people and parents. It’s one I return to often in my own processing. Major thanks to my therapist for introducing this language and co-creating a container for me to explore and embody this concept.
when we take the time to feel and then reach out to a trusting, loving other, connection can grow. I also find that when I open up and let someone know I care, I feel like my most authentic self.
Humans have needs, and when someone else (your teen, parent, partner, friend, colleague) expresses their needs, it doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong. It just means they have needs.
This tool offers a structure for sifting through the information, options, ideas, options, etc. It helps put all everything out on the table, so to speak.
Parents often reach out wanting to work on the uncomfortable and scary stuff, AND it’s also my job to remind you of the silly, light-hearted stuff– the stuff that sustains you in your role of parent or caregiver.
When you and your child or teen reach agreements TOGETHER, the buy-in is stronger. They are more likely to follow through with genuine interest and commitment.
When (not if) you make a “mistake,” you have an “opportunity to repair” the connection with your teenager.
I've learned that when I take the time to identify what I need and share it with my spouse, for example, our presence and connection are enhanced.
Limits don’t negate choices. Limits aren’t consequences or punishment. Instead, limits help young people understand boundaries-- their own and other people’s.
The truth is, dreams come from one’s internal compass, not from external sources, pressures, or societal norms and expectations. Furthermore, teenagers need space to explore, reflect, experience, and process and come to their own truths, their own path.